It was a hot fine summer day when I took this picture. I loved the beauty of the horse and the shadows of late afternoon stretching across the field. Yet, as I took in the whole scene I realized how short the grass was and how dry. Was the horse thirsty? Did it need an apple or some carrots? I wandered to the trough which had plenty water then spoke to the horse who twitched an ear toward me and with barely an upward glance seemed say: “Unless you have food in hand to be worth my time I am quite busy here so either watch me in silence or move along.” I chuckled to myself and did just that.
When I was in 10th grade I put together a questionnaire on the topic of caring for a class. At first the teacher thought it was foolish, you either care or you don’t. “That’s just it” I told her. “What exactly is caring and why do people feel compelled to care about some things and not about others?” She paused, thought a minute shrugged her shoulders and said “Ok, you may have something there.” I had quite a few questions. They are still in a box somewhere that I found a few years ago. It impressed me then and still does now that a group of tenth graders could, if given a chance really say some profound things such as: “I care about my family but now it seems like I care about my boyfriend more so does that mean that caring is only about feeling safe?” Another: “We are told we should care because God expects us too and you cannot be a good person unless you care. I care a lot and if I were a God and gave people freedom to make choices that would be cool for like maybe hundred years but come on man… people were not getting it and its been 2000 years since Jesus. If God really cares he needs to send in another kid or Angel or something…” One more said “Caring is just another word for love which is why it screws you up all the time because you care to much or don’t care enough.”
I carefully sorted papers, looked up definitions and pondered on the answers and asked myself is caring simply love?
“No” I mused “I do not think so, because you care about your grades, you care about what’s for dinner, you care about your job, you care about going to heaven because all these things have consequence in one way or another for your future but love,…. Love fly’s in the face of consequence. Love dares to be silent, love dares to shout to the world. Love moves mountains or surrenders into the arms of death itself.
Is caring the first step in love? Perhaps at times yes, but mostly caring seems to rise to devotion both spiritually as well as in human relations . Love is not a business contract The farmer cares for his crop and he cares about the health of his soil whether or not he loves his land depend on his culture and spiritual relationship to his land and the very earth itself. So perhaps some of what the human struggle is (and we don’t even see it) is how we value love and caring itself. If we don’t really fully understand or value what truly motivates us or what emotions and feelings inspire us to our deepest commitments and vows; how can we lead lives that hold satisfaction in the present? How can we have hope for the future of our endeavors as well as believe that there is a future for our souls. This is the deeper meaning. This is the looming pink elephant we all care about but cannot dare face because we are all too angry and shamed by our ignorance and fear. If we have not a reasonable answer to the question “Why should we care?” Then at the very least we must have some sort of reason to love otherwise our future is only built then upon the trappings of ego and therein lies the hells of our earth just look at the middle east as one place to start. To have the will to make change for the betterment of others you must care about consequence and the consequences only matters if you love enough to care.
My secret love
My secret love has always been writing. Why secret? Mostly because I did not feel worthy of it. Writing has rules. It is the tool of intellect. People who write think great ponderous thoughts or move the heart by fearlessly telling life’s truths even if it’s in a fictional form. It is a creative process packaged like beads on a necklace in a perfection where each stone both stands out and yet fits in the whole. I knew from the time I was a young child that limitations sat on me like a scratchy sweater. I fought not to wear it yet was told over and over that if I wanted in from the cold and be presentable I must somehow overcome my discomfort. I must learn the rules of spelling, timing, grammar and form. It was a long hard bloody fight. lol Though I still fall short of perfection the courage to reveal what I have seen, heard and felt has became stronger. The following link is an interview I gave for being one of the authors in the book SideShow that came out a little over a year ago in kindle form and now will have a brand new release March 22,2016 in book form. We are all books with stories to share, these are some of mine.
Source: Meet C.B. Doyle
Hay monoliths stand bold against the blue late summer sky
The old oak stands defiant in its beauty as it stands guard
Over the fields ripened gold by the sun
Blackberries hang heavy on the vine
The air smells sweet with the scent of Roses
And Catnip flowers to inspire the bees to not despair
The deer grazes with the horses
As the vulture flies teasing the wind
The geese swim content in their pond
I am the lens and the camera
I am surrounded by untold eyes
We are filled with vision and perfect love
Moment by moment
In the midst of sadness
In the midst of loss
In the midst of chaos
In the midst of confusion
There is the picture of perfection
It is the ever possible gift
Waiting to be noticed
Waiting for our care
Our garden of Love
In this moment of now
Now of course, I must preface this with the fact that I was raised in the era of Walter Cronkite and Harry Reasoner. Men who inspired the desire for hard won facts and a seasoned dignity. They gave us the news straight on in a no nonsense voice that betrayed emotion only at the rarest of times when we needed them too. They were trusted professionals that America looked up to and other anchors modeled themselves after. Why? Because the news was and is a big part of the tapestry of our nation. It’s function is more then to inform us of the weather and entertain us with treading topics but to mirror to us our integrity as a nation. Are these the facts or just theory’s or possible assumptions? In light of such doubts are we ready to take action? Is our government being just and fair? What issues are we wrestling with and in what do we as Americans take pride in. This was my newscast 30-40 years ago. Sure there are echo’s of it still. Good solid men and women that take there jobs as news casters seriously.
Today there is now the fact and challange of how does a Newscaster keep a straight face when he or she is reporting on boxes of glitter and dildos. These are being sent as care packages to Oregon farmers far from big cities who are standing their ground on a nature visitor center on what they feel are just grievances. The lines and boundaries between creative humor and disrespectful mockery of these salt of the earth hard working people is no where to be found. This is not healthy for us or our children. These farmers are not being given a fair shake by many, their story not listened too nor the facts understood. Instead people are grabbing for their 15 minutes of fame for looking down their noses at what very well may be an important issue. Even IF these people are misguided give them some props for guts especially in the memory of Waco TX. That, if you recall ended very badly. Yes, strange times indeed…..
After thinking about the idea of bloging and seeing how people use it, I came to realize that I must be experimental to get the hang of it. Lord knows I have a over flowing cup of thoughts and a curiosity that puts cats to shame. Still, I am after all a steady Capricorn that loves to climb to a higher vision on so many topics in life. The thought of babbling or ranting fills me with horror but I guess face book has been my training ground so I should not be overly fearful. Still, Most people let alone writers have an Angel and or a Devil sitting on either shoulder or the good wolf and bad wolf of Native American lore to spark the conscience and inspire constructive thinking let alone prudence. Alas, I have a woodpecker. It flies from shoulder to shoulder nailing my head with endless demands and wake-up calls. I also know that thanks to my editor (Truly a saint) I am now more comfortable with the more formal written word then I was a few years ago. Still, I blush to say that I still do not give a damn about what a dangling participle is but will force myself to remember or look it up if something in the sentence does not sniff right. lol…
So I shall, speak on various things that catch my attention
Share some works and interviews
Hopefully entertain and inspire along the way as I mine the past, muse upon the present and build a future that I dearly hope will be as interesting as my past.
I have been asked to blog….Turns out I have a blog. Stumbled upon it. I am not sure if it came with something else I was doing once upon a time or something I created in my two in the morning trances. LOL Needless to say I will work with this format and see if I can offer some things of interest and perhaps find it helpful to organize my many thoughts and projects. Onward!